My Hearts Cry

There is a burning in my heart for unity. Not a sort of unity brought about by compromising principles, morals, and values based on the commands of YHVH, but a unity that happens because people are merciful, gentle, slow to anger and are not quick to give or take offense. It’s bigger than that, but I am just trying to wrap my head around it. I can see a picture of a sort of holiness that walks in love and patience and mercy and it is so beautiful. Where brothers and sisters in Messiah, regardless of denomination, affiliation, or level of understanding of scripture can walk together, learn together, love together, worship together, and grow together. My heart so longs for that.

Since coming to the truth of Torah and having it revealed to me by the Holy Spirit, that YHVH’s commands have never been “done away with” and that they are important instructions on living holy lives, I have had a peace that I never had before. I want to please my heavenly father, bring glory to Him, and show Him how much I love Him, and I know that I can do those things by being obedient to His words, and that His words will guide me in this life to a path that is full of life and blessing. It’s a good thing. It’s an amazing thing. I love this walk.

However, on this walk I have been separated from Christian brothers and sisters. I separated myself for sometime because it was easier to follow what I was finding to be truth without opposition constantly barraging me and making me question, over and over, something I knew in my spirit was truth. It was not that I didn’t love my Christian brothers and sisters, I love them very much. But, for a time, it was the right thing to do, leave the church, learn what it truly meant to worship in spirit and in truth, and walk it out.

Now, after walking it out for a few years, I find myself longing for fellowship with other believers, but am finding that believers in this camp like to keep to themselves. There is no fellowship. When there is fellowship it is superficial and has no purpose. Not that fellowship with my Christian brothers and sisters was any different. People, in general, do not like to talk about deep spiritual matters; at least that is what I have found. It happens occasionally, but it’s few and far between.

But, in the Messianic, or Torah observant camp, I have found out the reason why there is little fellowship. It’s because people are afraid. People are afraid because they were fed lies for so long, and are now so afraid of being corrupted again by those lies or at least being “tainted” by those lies. People are afraid that they will have to compromise the truth in order to maintain fellowship with others, because, sadly, everyone has their own form of truth, and if your form doesn’t line up with my form, well, if two are not agreed, they cannot walk together… But agreed on what? My husband and I do not agree on everything, even scriptural matters, does that mean we can no longer walk together? My closest friends and I do not agree on everything, does that mean that we can no longer walk together? I don’t think that’s true.

There are so many reasons why people don’t have strong fellowship, but the most blatantly obvious reason I have seen is that people, including myself, are quick to offend, quick to take offense, and are lacking in the basic fruits of the spirit, gentleness, kindness, patience, goodness, and love, and judge others with unbalanced measure. The very things we were once guilty of in our own lives are now the biggest most awful sins in other peoples’ lives.

Since when did we start judging sin differently for different people? Since when did we think it was our job to define varying degrees of sin and shun those who exhibit the sins that, on our list, are greater and more sinister that our own sins?

I am NOT saying that we should not be discerning and always testing spirits, but that is part of the point I am trying to make. Test the spirit…why are we so quick to judge others that are still in Sunday church, still eating pork and other unclean foods, who don’t wear blue fringes on their garments, don’t say grace after supper but before it, don’t understand that the feasts are a blessed thing for them to keep, and generally don’t walk in what we see as Torah?

We then walk in a spirit of arrogance, pride, and self-righteousness, forsaking mercy and love, and the fruits of the spirit, and still think that somehow because we have had our blinders taken off by YHVH HIMSELF and we no longer eat swine’s flesh and we wear blue fringes on the edges of our clothes and we know Hebrew dances and words, and we keep the feasts of YHVH, and we know torah inside and out, that somehow because we are obedient in those areas, but not in the weightier matters such as mercy, that somehow the sins we DO commit are less than the ones our Christian brothers and sisters commit? Who are we? What in the world are we thinking?

Do we not know by now that mercy trumps judgment? YHVH made a way for us where He didn’t have to. Even after our blatant sin and disobedience to His commands HE made a way for us to enter into divine communion with Him. Did He have to? No. He could have done away with the whole idea of humans in the first place. Didn’t He want to time and time again? But, His anger and judgment was held at bay and His mercy was given in place of that deserving judgment.

Brothers and sisters, we are all in Messiah. We are all walking a pathway that we have been put on. Is YHVH sovereign or is He not? Does He not have His hand on the lives of His people? Are we not to trust in Him in our own lives and trust that He is working in the lives of others? Did He not open our eyes when we were blind? Did He not extend mercy to us even though we were walking along a partially lit pathway? He loved us. He spoke kindness to us. It was His kindness that led us to repentance. Were we NOT blind? Were we NOT lost? Did we find the path ourselves or was it by the Spirit that we were lead out of darkness and into the light? Are we not still being lead out of that darkness or have we attained perfection so soon?

Be merciful. Do not believe that because you have had your blinders removed that the sins we now commit are somehow less than the prior ones. Do not believe that those walking with their blinders on are all willfully disobedient. Most are ignorant, and yet the Father loves them, has mercy on them, and is leading them down the path HE has willed for them, for HIS glory and HIS purposes. Let us be merciful, gentle and patient with them while YHVH does what He does. Let us show them how perfect this walk can truly be. We will never be able to show them the perfection of His law when we do not allow it to penetrate our hearts and souls and our spirits and change us from stiff-necked, uncircumcised, stone-hearted people into a people that love so much that it shines light in dark places by the very presence of YHVH in us.

Unity is needed, and we are not to compromise and disobey the commands we have been directly given, but we have been given much more than “you shall wear fringes”, we have been given the command to walk in mercy, grace, love, gentleness, patience, goodness, kindness, joy, peace, and self-control.

Walk your walk. Be grieved by the sins of others and be grieved by your own. Take your grief to YHVH in prayer, and love as He loved, walk as our Messiah Yahshua walked. Be angry about sin, fight it, but know that you fight powers and principalities and not people. Be a warrior against sin, but know who and what and how you are to fight.

This is my prayer for me, too. I so easily forget. Father, help me to remember to be merciful, to be slow to anger, and to not be easily offended. Help me to speak the truth in love, teaching, rebuking, and edifying the body of Messiah for your glory and your purposes. Let me be a light in a dark world.

Sin and Conviction

"You have not yet resisted to bloodshed, striving against sin."

No, this is true. I have not yet resisted to bloodshed, and I am indeed still striving against sin. I thought that if sin crept in, that I was doomed. I would punish myself, hide myself from God, and sit feeling condemned for days or weeks at a time.

Sin creeps in and tries to find a home within us. Temptation nudges the desire that lies dormant, seeking to awaken the lusts that have yet to be fully purged.

"But you have forgotten the exhortation which speaks to you as to sons: 'My son, do not depsise the chastening of the Lord, Nor be discouraged when you are rebuked by Him; For whom the Lord loves He chastens, And scourages every son whom He receives.' If you endure chastening, God deals with you as with sons; for what son is there whom a father does not chasten? But if you are without chastening, of which all have become partakers, then you are illegitimate and not sons."

The Holy Spirit convicts us of our sin. By this reason I know that I am a son (daughter) and not illegitimate. I feel the weight of my sin. I see it as a loathsome thing. I hate it. It sickens me.

This should be encouraging! We are sons and daughters! While we should never treat sin lightly, we should rejoice in the fact that He has not left us when we feel convicted of our sins. TURN FROM YOUR SINS, REPENT, TURN BACK TO GOD.

Will we hear the whisper of the Holy Spirit calling out our sins? Will we humble ourselves enough to repent quickly? Will we endure the chastening that is sure to follow?

I found myself in sin about a month ago. It started out as a small nudge. At first I just ignored it and turned to God every time it would come to mind. Then the small nudge became a shove. The shove opened up the flood gates of my desire. My desire surfaced in my mind and I gave thought to a sinful act. I actually entertained the idea on more than one occasion. At the end of a very long week, going from a small nudge to a shove that lead to a sinful thought, I found myself hiding from God. I came down with a sickness that lasted another week. I slept for 4 days, almost continuously. When I woke up, all I could feel was the weight of my sin along with the weight of whatever sickness I had come down with. I was miserable, but I knew what I had to do.

I knew that I had sinned in my heart. The Holy Spirit was convicting me. Instead of acting in a repentant manner I opted for the "go and hide from God" thing which brought with it a horrible feeling of condemnation.

During my sickness, which I saw as chastisement from God for my sin, I forced myself to my knees. I prayed and opened up my bible to Hebrews 12. Within moments the condemnation I felt lifted and I was in a state of repentance.

"Furthermore, we have had human fathers who corrected us, and we paid them respect. Shall we not much more readily be in subjection to the Father of spirits and live? For they indeed for a few days chastened us as seemed best to them, but He for our profit, that we may be partakers of His holiness. Now no chastening seems to be joyful for the present, but grievous; nevertheless, afterward it yields the peaceable fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it."

Will we allow our sins, the conviction of them, and the repentance that should come quickly, to train us thereby yielding the fruit of righteousness? Will we hide from God? We do this because of pride, but it is a humble spirit that is quickly moved to repentance. Will we sit and wallow in our self-centered despair when sin rears its ugly head and we fall? Or will we stand firm and feel encouraged, knowing that the Holy Spirit is indeed at work within us because we are feeling convicted? Will we be encouraged knowing that even though we may feel the chastisement of God it is only because He loves us and is dealing with us as sons? Will we be encouraged knowing that He is purifying us and chastising us for our profit so that we may become partakers of HIS holiness?

"Therefore, strengthen the hands which hang down, and the feeble knees, and make straight paths for your feet, so that what is lame may not be dislocated, but rather be healed!"


*disclaimer: We should be finding ourselves with less and less sin in our lives as we keep following the path of righteousness. We will sin, but those sins should be few and far between and little in comparison to the sins we once had in our lives. God is doing a work in us and we need to yield to that work. We need to humble ourselves before him and be quick to repent.