"You have not yet resisted to bloodshed, striving against sin."
No, this is true. I have not yet resisted to bloodshed, and I am indeed still striving against sin. I thought that if sin crept in, that I was doomed. I would punish myself, hide myself from God, and sit feeling condemned for days or weeks at a time.
Sin creeps in and tries to find a home within us. Temptation nudges the desire that lies dormant, seeking to awaken the lusts that have yet to be fully purged.
"But you have forgotten the exhortation which speaks to you as to sons: 'My son, do not depsise the chastening of the Lord, Nor be discouraged when you are rebuked by Him; For whom the Lord loves He chastens, And scourages every son whom He receives.' If you endure chastening, God deals with you as with sons; for what son is there whom a father does not chasten? But if you are without chastening, of which all have become partakers, then you are illegitimate and not sons."
The Holy Spirit convicts us of our sin. By this reason I know that I am a son (daughter) and not illegitimate. I feel the weight of my sin. I see it as a loathsome thing. I hate it. It sickens me.
This should be encouraging! We are sons and daughters! While we should never treat sin lightly, we should rejoice in the fact that He has not left us when we feel convicted of our sins. TURN FROM YOUR SINS, REPENT, TURN BACK TO GOD.
Will we hear the whisper of the Holy Spirit calling out our sins? Will we humble ourselves enough to repent quickly? Will we endure the chastening that is sure to follow?
I found myself in sin about a month ago. It started out as a small nudge. At first I just ignored it and turned to God every time it would come to mind. Then the small nudge became a shove. The shove opened up the flood gates of my desire. My desire surfaced in my mind and I gave thought to a sinful act. I actually entertained the idea on more than one occasion. At the end of a very long week, going from a small nudge to a shove that lead to a sinful thought, I found myself hiding from God. I came down with a sickness that lasted another week. I slept for 4 days, almost continuously. When I woke up, all I could feel was the weight of my sin along with the weight of whatever sickness I had come down with. I was miserable, but I knew what I had to do.
I knew that I had sinned in my heart. The Holy Spirit was convicting me. Instead of acting in a repentant manner I opted for the "go and hide from God" thing which brought with it a horrible feeling of condemnation.
During my sickness, which I saw as chastisement from God for my sin, I forced myself to my knees. I prayed and opened up my bible to Hebrews 12. Within moments the condemnation I felt lifted and I was in a state of repentance.
"Furthermore, we have had human fathers who corrected us, and we paid them respect. Shall we not much more readily be in subjection to the Father of spirits and live? For they indeed for a few days chastened us as seemed best to them, but He for our profit, that we may be partakers of His holiness. Now no chastening seems to be joyful for the present, but grievous; nevertheless, afterward it yields the peaceable fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it."
Will we allow our sins, the conviction of them, and the repentance that should come quickly, to train us thereby yielding the fruit of righteousness? Will we hide from God? We do this because of pride, but it is a humble spirit that is quickly moved to repentance. Will we sit and wallow in our self-centered despair when sin rears its ugly head and we fall? Or will we stand firm and feel encouraged, knowing that the Holy Spirit is indeed at work within us because we are feeling convicted? Will we be encouraged knowing that even though we may feel the chastisement of God it is only because He loves us and is dealing with us as sons? Will we be encouraged knowing that He is purifying us and chastising us for our profit so that we may become partakers of HIS holiness?
"Therefore, strengthen the hands which hang down, and the feeble knees, and make straight paths for your feet, so that what is lame may not be dislocated, but rather be healed!"
*disclaimer: We should be finding ourselves with less and less sin in our lives as we keep following the path of righteousness. We will sin, but those sins should be few and far between and little in comparison to the sins we once had in our lives. God is doing a work in us and we need to yield to that work. We need to humble ourselves before him and be quick to repent.
Showing posts with label Repentance. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Repentance. Show all posts
7/28/10
5/11/10
Teshuvah/Repentence
11Not that I speak from want, for I have learned to be content in whatever circumstances I am. 12I know how to get along with humble means, and I also know how to live in prosperity; in any and every circumstance I have learned the secret of being filled and going hungry, both of having abundance and suffering need. 13I can do all things through Him who strengthens me. (Phil 4: 11-13)
I find myself being hopeful for things to change. Desiring this change so much that all of my effort goes into either making it happen, or dreaming and planning things out for when it does happen. I lose myself in my desires. But it’s not really “losing myself” it’s really feeding my “self” and letting my “self” run wildly into my desires like an undisciplined child in a toy store. I run off course. I lay down the cross. I miss the mark. I stop denying myself. Every thought is not taken captive. Once again I let the “self” part of me, that I am supposed to be denying, take over, run my life, my thoughts, actions and desires, and I then find myself in sin. Which brings me to repentance, Teshuvah…returning.
We are renting this beautiful house in town. We’ve been living here for a year and a half. It’s lovely, it really is. But this is not my home. We had a home; a little 900 sq ft house in the middle of 2.5 acres. I was growing herbs and vegetables in my garden. We had fruit trees and flowers. It was our little homestead. We had plans to build a new house on the property followed by a barn and a smokehouse. We were going to raise goats and chickens. This had been my dream since I was young growing up on my grandmother’s farm. Nothing about the farm life scared me. Not even the chickens running around with their heads chopped off. All of my milking cows had names, like Bert and Ernie, Suzie, Roxann, John and Monica (my name as well as my parents names). I loved the fresh cream in the morning. Grandma would bring in the milk bucket and set it on the table. She’d pour my oatmeal into my bowl and scoop out enough of the fresh warm milk to top the oats. I’ll never forget that taste. Or the tractor rides down the long driveway with the trailer filled with those old metal milk jugs. We would go out to collect sap in the spring and fill those milk jugs to the brim with sap. Grandpa would spend days out in the cold cooking down the sap. He’d drink a little too much whiskey during the day, and it never failed. That last batch of sap would burn. He’d throw it into the snow where it would instantly harden. His mistake became something I looked forward to. Maple syrup candy. It was a little bitter from being overcooked, but sweet nonetheless. I loved that farm. My most vivid memories from my childhood are from that farm. The old wood cook stove in the kitchen, where Prudence the cat would warm herself, and where the family gathered around, was where family history was told and memories were made. This became my dream and to this day my dream has not changed. That little house in the field that my husband I had was going to be our little farm, until the roof collapsed. Having very little money we had to move. Now, here we are, in the city, across from a noisy baseball field. I try to make the best of it. It’s nice. It’s lovely. But, it’s not home.
That’s what brings us to the falling away because of my desires and the eventual “return”. Our six month lease was coming up and we were faced with a few choices, stay or find another place. We chose to find another place, which sent us on a tailspin adventure for the past month of looking at houses to purchase. It was right before this that we were really delving into the Word, searching scripture night and day and learning so much. Then the house buying adventure came, and with it all of my desires shifted from God to “things”. A month later, it seems our search was all in vain, and I find myself feeling rather empty. I left my bible in the car the other day, and it’s still there. My writing has ceased. I can’t even find my notebooks and pens. When was the last time I was in my prayer closet? All of these desires took over, and my content feelings went right out the window.
So, Paul, how did you do it? How did you remain content in every circumstance? How can I put my hopes and dreams and desires aside? Or at least how can I be content in knowing my dreams and not living them? Father did you give me these desires to farm and live off the land? I do believe they are from you. If they are from you, wouldn’t you make a way for them to become reality? Is this a part of it all? Learning to be content in any situation? Learning the secret to allowing Your strength in my own life?
Which brings us to teshuvah…the return, repentance. I’ve left our housing situation be. We are where we are. I don’t understand why, but here we are. My little house on the prairie dreams are put back on the shelf where they will gather dust. I am here, returning from whence I came. Back to the Father and to HIS heart. Ultimately I want His will to be done in my life, even if I get off track and try to find my own will. I will return to Him and He is there waiting for me. That is the most amazing thing. Will He ever tire of my wayward ways? He didn’t give up on the Israelites even though they were a “stiff necked people”. I am stiff necked. I am stubborn and rebellious. But my heart is for the Father, and to the Father I will return.
The word teshuvah gives me hope. Teshuvah means to return, which means that you were there once, you turned away and now you are turning back from whence you came. I didn’t fall away or backslide into my depraved ways. I just stopped praying like I used to, stopped reading my bible like I used to, and stopped looking for God in everything. I stopped seeking His kingdom and started looking for my own. One month later, I am on the return flight. This is my teshuvah.
I find myself being hopeful for things to change. Desiring this change so much that all of my effort goes into either making it happen, or dreaming and planning things out for when it does happen. I lose myself in my desires. But it’s not really “losing myself” it’s really feeding my “self” and letting my “self” run wildly into my desires like an undisciplined child in a toy store. I run off course. I lay down the cross. I miss the mark. I stop denying myself. Every thought is not taken captive. Once again I let the “self” part of me, that I am supposed to be denying, take over, run my life, my thoughts, actions and desires, and I then find myself in sin. Which brings me to repentance, Teshuvah…returning.
We are renting this beautiful house in town. We’ve been living here for a year and a half. It’s lovely, it really is. But this is not my home. We had a home; a little 900 sq ft house in the middle of 2.5 acres. I was growing herbs and vegetables in my garden. We had fruit trees and flowers. It was our little homestead. We had plans to build a new house on the property followed by a barn and a smokehouse. We were going to raise goats and chickens. This had been my dream since I was young growing up on my grandmother’s farm. Nothing about the farm life scared me. Not even the chickens running around with their heads chopped off. All of my milking cows had names, like Bert and Ernie, Suzie, Roxann, John and Monica (my name as well as my parents names). I loved the fresh cream in the morning. Grandma would bring in the milk bucket and set it on the table. She’d pour my oatmeal into my bowl and scoop out enough of the fresh warm milk to top the oats. I’ll never forget that taste. Or the tractor rides down the long driveway with the trailer filled with those old metal milk jugs. We would go out to collect sap in the spring and fill those milk jugs to the brim with sap. Grandpa would spend days out in the cold cooking down the sap. He’d drink a little too much whiskey during the day, and it never failed. That last batch of sap would burn. He’d throw it into the snow where it would instantly harden. His mistake became something I looked forward to. Maple syrup candy. It was a little bitter from being overcooked, but sweet nonetheless. I loved that farm. My most vivid memories from my childhood are from that farm. The old wood cook stove in the kitchen, where Prudence the cat would warm herself, and where the family gathered around, was where family history was told and memories were made. This became my dream and to this day my dream has not changed. That little house in the field that my husband I had was going to be our little farm, until the roof collapsed. Having very little money we had to move. Now, here we are, in the city, across from a noisy baseball field. I try to make the best of it. It’s nice. It’s lovely. But, it’s not home.
That’s what brings us to the falling away because of my desires and the eventual “return”. Our six month lease was coming up and we were faced with a few choices, stay or find another place. We chose to find another place, which sent us on a tailspin adventure for the past month of looking at houses to purchase. It was right before this that we were really delving into the Word, searching scripture night and day and learning so much. Then the house buying adventure came, and with it all of my desires shifted from God to “things”. A month later, it seems our search was all in vain, and I find myself feeling rather empty. I left my bible in the car the other day, and it’s still there. My writing has ceased. I can’t even find my notebooks and pens. When was the last time I was in my prayer closet? All of these desires took over, and my content feelings went right out the window.
So, Paul, how did you do it? How did you remain content in every circumstance? How can I put my hopes and dreams and desires aside? Or at least how can I be content in knowing my dreams and not living them? Father did you give me these desires to farm and live off the land? I do believe they are from you. If they are from you, wouldn’t you make a way for them to become reality? Is this a part of it all? Learning to be content in any situation? Learning the secret to allowing Your strength in my own life?
Which brings us to teshuvah…the return, repentance. I’ve left our housing situation be. We are where we are. I don’t understand why, but here we are. My little house on the prairie dreams are put back on the shelf where they will gather dust. I am here, returning from whence I came. Back to the Father and to HIS heart. Ultimately I want His will to be done in my life, even if I get off track and try to find my own will. I will return to Him and He is there waiting for me. That is the most amazing thing. Will He ever tire of my wayward ways? He didn’t give up on the Israelites even though they were a “stiff necked people”. I am stiff necked. I am stubborn and rebellious. But my heart is for the Father, and to the Father I will return.
The word teshuvah gives me hope. Teshuvah means to return, which means that you were there once, you turned away and now you are turning back from whence you came. I didn’t fall away or backslide into my depraved ways. I just stopped praying like I used to, stopped reading my bible like I used to, and stopped looking for God in everything. I stopped seeking His kingdom and started looking for my own. One month later, I am on the return flight. This is my teshuvah.
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