A Long December

It HAS been a long December and I am so thankful it is a new year, although not a new biblical year (we still have that to look forward to). This past month has been full of everything: two trips to Denver and back (24 hours in the car); a broke down truck on the way to Denver; God's providence in both of those trips; Our sweet little boy went to Florida and is now home safe and sound; 2 birthdays; Helped kill 5 chickens; Had a weekend baby goat to watch; And all of these goodies below...

I received a new set of crochet hooks for my birthday from my beloved and a gift card from my mom and dad. My daughter and I wrapped them in Sculpy and now I have crochet hooks that don't make my hands cramp up. I love these. Aren't they cute?? :-)

I taught myself how to do a granny square and have pumped out a bunch of these turquoise squares that will eventually be a beautiful afghan for the back of my couch or wing back chair that will eventually come out of storage sometime this year.

100% wool giant granny square blanket that will be beautiful when it's done. I can't seem to get my square straight so there is a slight tilt to my pattern, but it's a fun blanket to make and goes fairly quickly.

Cotton Soap Saver Scrubbies...I found this idea on Pinterest and LOVE it. We have used those petro-chemical plastic poufs for years and I have always wanted to use something better. This is it. Stuff it with soap and scrub away! You can fill it with all those little leftover bars as well.

I learned how to do another type of granny square and pumped out this crocheted dishcloth this morning. I wouldn't call it a square...but it'll wash dishes! I love the soft cotton yarn and it's only $1.77 at Walmart (another gift card...I love my birthday)

Lip balm...this stuff is so good. Sweet and soft. I made many jars full, these are just two...peppermint and sweet citrus.

A couple of well used jars of warm-peppermint foot scrub (on the left) and lemon-sugar face scrub. Amazing stuff.

This has to be my favorite because it helps me and the kiddos organize our days better than anything ever has. It's an old picture frame and under the glass I stuck all three kids' daily schedules for Monday-Friday. Below that I placed parchment paper and made calendar grids with yarn. You can write on the glass and that is exactly what I do. I write the kids daily chores that change in the appropriate spots. There is also a little place for menu ideas.

Below the chart I have hung envelopes that contain specific instructions for daily chores. I have a child with Asperger's Syndrome, so this is essential for a smooth(er) sailing day. I do this so there is no confusion and there are no excuses. So far so good. I am the queen of chore charts...

My scarf! I started this last winter and just finished it. It was supposed to be a shawl...and perhaps someday it will be, but my attention span is NOT that long. I also found other things to do with the 100% lambs wool...

Like these super cute fingerless gloves. I learned how to make flowers, too. I also repurposed an old pearl necklace I found at a thrift shop.

I made Sophie a pair of fingerless gloves, as well. I love the turquoise and black. It looks sharp. She loves them :-)


Here's that goat...isn't she CUTE!?!?! Makes me want to scream with giddiness. We loved her. At first we thought we had her house trained, but then she pooped on the floor...a lot. Thankfully we were just watching her overnight for a friend and thankfully we have hard wood floors. We love goats...but outside goats.

I also made 10 gallons of laundry detergent and discovered how to make "Reeses" peanut butter cups...I suppose I should post that recipe. It's super-yummy.

Tomorrow we start school back up after a long winter break. I am excited to get back on schedule and normalize a little bit.

Miss all my friends and family back home...hope you are visiting :-) See you all soon!

HOLINESS DOESN'T HAVE A HAIRSTYLE

The Danger Of Turning A Good Thing Into A Moral Thing

I read the article above this morning and thought it spoke directly to feelings I have been having lately. So often in this pursuit of holiness we can find ourselves searching after outward appearances of what we think holiness should look like, after all, have we ever really seen what real holiness looks like outside of the image we have in our minds of Messiah? I haven't. I have never seen truly holy parents, truly holy women, wives, men, husbands, children, pastors, teachers, etc. Or have I seen truly holy people but they didn't fit my idea of what holiness was supposed to look like, and therefore I judged them?

I think there is a fine line of distinction there that needs to be drawn. I am sure I have met truly holy people but in my own faulty perception of holiness, I judged them based on that perception and not that of a scriptural basis for what "holiness" is (And by judge I mean "make assumptions" not "condemn"). I think often in this pursuit we form opinions and ideas about what it means to be holy. We think that holiness is abstaining from entertainment, alcohol, sports, secular music, etc., and it is also a particular way of dressing, wearing our hair, wearing head-coverings, having make-up-less faces, unadorned with jewelry, or even how many biblical studies one completes in a week and what particular words one uses in referring to the Creator and His Son. None of those things are a sin. There are however, boundaries with each of those examples that a person who is pursuing holiness needs to live within.

As believers, we are to dress in a modest manner, but does that mean skirts all the time? Whose rule is that? Yours or the Father's?

Likewise, as women we are to be aware of how our body might tempt men into sexually immoral thoughts, but does that mean we are required to wear head-coverings or to not wear a lick of make-up? Whose rules are those? Yours or the Father's?

When it comes to television, movies, music, and the like, are we to abstain completely from these things? Should we only listen to "Christian" music or watch only movies about the Amish, or movies put out by Christian producers? Is all television bad and therefore immoral? Whose rules are those? Yours or the Father's?

If I read my bible twice a day and have devotional time with my husband every evening before bed and my children are in their bibles multiple times a day, does this mean we are doing it right? Have we attained that mark of holiness? Whose rules are these? Yours or the Father's?

I hope you get my point. While there are indeed boundaries we use when deciding things like this, we use our own discretion based on principle but that does not mean they are necessarily commandments. In our family, we allow movies with realistic war-like violence, because it's real. It happens in the world. We have a history and we do not shelter them from that. We have seen movies where Jews by the thousands have been beaten, starved, and then gassed and subsequently burned. For us, this is not something we need to abstain from. For some, it is. I do not judge those that abstain from all forms of violence, be it real or fictional. I expect that you would not concern yourself with the discretion we have chosen to use in our family, and that you would not condemn us for that discretion, even if it doesn't match yours.

When we start placing rules on other people and ourselves that are not commandments from YHVH, we start putting ourselves back under a man-made legality and we then start to become self-righteous. There is nothing worse than a self-righteous spirit. It condemns others, places heavy burdens on the person and those around them, and ultimately does nothing but build up pride and the spirit of division. And believe me, even when a word is not spoken, that condemning, self-righteous, legalistic spirit can be felt and it sucks the joy from a person. I am walking in liberty because of Messiah, don't place burdens on me that were not placed there by YHVH Himself. There is freedom here. I am bound by the Laws of my Father, and they are freedom. Freedom to learn, freedom to grow, and freedom to walk this walk that no one else but me will be held accountable for. If I want to pop in a little Bob Marley, who speaks of love, mercy, kindness, and joy, what is the problem? There is none.

There is a line to be drawn between the sacred and the profane, but for me to give you that line that we use for our family and to say that anything to the right or left of that line is then immoral, is wrong and does, just as the article above says, place guilt on a person and creates shame. Are we walking with the Father or are we not? If we are, and we know our friends are as well, then each should be subject to the authority above them and the Spirit within them that convicts them of sin. Placing our ideals on others, even if it is only done in thought, creates division and sets standards for people that the Father never placed on them, and if He intends to place those standards on me, I assure you He will.

Walk your walk. Mind your own business. Do not judge others according to your own convictions regarding what is right or wrong for you based on your own judgments and your own walk with the Father. Don't even think the thoughts in regard to those judgments and how others might be walking. It will lead you into a dark pit of seclusion and self-righteousness.

I will follow the leading of the Holy Spirit in my life. I will follow the commandments of YHVH. I will walk in love, minding my own business, and attending to my own family. Father forgive me if thoughts arise in me, and a spirit of self-righteous condemnation takes hold. Help me to recognize it, battle it, and overcome it. I do not wish to walk in the same sins over and over again in a continual battle. I want to overcome. I want to have joy. Help me to see the eternal and not the temporal.

Walk in a pursuit of holiness, people. But, know that each of us has our own walk. Trust YHVH, that He is the one that is control of man's life, and not us. Thank you, Father!

Now go and walk in joy!

My daughter...she's the epitome of this post. She loves her dork glasses, loves her braided hair, T-shirts and converse sneakers, and she has the biggest servants heart of any child I have ever known. She is always there to help when help is needed. She never complains about the work she has to do. She loves people, even if they are not walking in a right manner. She walks, at a distance, with her worldly "friends" and shows them who God is, sends them encouraging words when all around them is hate, fear, and emptiness. She is a light that shines in the darkness. You could judge her by her appearance, but you'd never get to see her heart.

*disclaimer~ I am not talking about disobeying the direct commands of the Father and that we are to ignore that in our friends and family, but even then, trust that if they are in a pursuit of truth and holiness, that the Father will deal with them accordingly. Love them on their journey. Now, one who is in rebellion...that is a different story.

Core Shopping List

Quite a few years ago my husband quit his casino job for ethical and personal reasons, and we had to really be creative about the money that was coming in. He took a part time job at a local fishery, smoking fish, and the money was NOT even close to what it was at the casino. (BUT we did get all the smoked salmon, trout and chubs we could eat!) We had to cut corners everywhere for him to be able to quit the casino job, and after years of being a spender, I had to learn to make do with what I had. I stopped buying pre-made food, and made everything from scratch. Eventually I got our food budget down to $250 a month. I am happy to tell you that I stuck with that and we are still only budgeting $250 a month for food. People think I am crazy when I tell them how much we spend. I know families that spend close to $800 a month to feed their family of 5-6. I can't IMAGINE having that much money to spend on food. I can tell you where it would go...into food storage!

Anywho...

This is my core monthly shopping list for our family of 5. With this list, I know that I can feed us all well for an entire month. Now, granted, I have a well-stocked pantry full of assorted whole grains, beans, rice, baking soda, baking powder, spices, and huge cans of tomato sauce and whole tomatoes which I purchase every few months. With this list and my pantry items I can whip up a ton of different meals, all fairly simple, and feed my family of 5 for about $250 a month. What you won't see on the list is fresh fruits and veggies. We eat them, but they come out of the "extra" money that is left over after I do my core shopping. When we want bananas, oranges, or a big container of salad greens we buy them, but we don't have a continuous supply in the house. We also don't buy a lot of seasonal foods when they are not in season. When salad isn't in season, we don't eat a lot of it. We eat lots of potatoes in the winter, and much more fresh fruit and veggies in the spring and summer.

I do buy bulk items from Azure Standard, such as spices, grains, and big huge bags of oranges or other fruit that's on sale. I also am trying to get to Costco every other month or so to the majority of my shopping. The less time I spend in Walmart, Safeway or Albertons, the more money I save. There are certain things I know are cheaper at Walmart, so I do buy them there, but for the most part, I am trying to stay away from that place :-) 

I look for sales on meat and only buy meat that is as natural as can be. Our local Warehouse Market has great all natural chicken that goes on sale every now and again. This past month I picked up 5 whole roasters for $20.  Last month I picked up 4 or 5 packages of drumsticks and thighs for about $18. I also buy our ground beef from the local meat market. It's all grass fed and is delicious. If I can't find a good sale on natural chicken, we stick with the ground beef or go without. I refuse to buy factory farmed meat. 

With all that said, here is the list with costs and location:

4 whole chickens ~ $24 ~ Warehouse Market

2 packages of chicken (breasts/drums/thighs) ~ $20 ~ Warehouse Market

4 lbs ground beef ~ $16 ~ Sackett's meat market

8 lbs cheese ~ $24 ~ Albertson's/Costco

6 gallons milk ~ $18 ~ Safeway

4 lbs butter ~ $10 ~ Costco

10 lbs organic sugar ~ $8 ~ Costco

15 lbs potatoes ~ $6 ~ Costco

5 lbs onions ~ $5 ~ Costco

Peanut butter ~ $5 ~ wherever 

Frozen fruit to make jam and smoothies ~ $7 ~ Walmart

Frozen veggies (any combination) ~ $15 ~ Costco/Walmart

5 lbs whole wheat flour (wheat montana) ~ $5 ~ Walmart

5 lbs all purpose flour (wheat montana) ~ $5 ~ Walmart

Sour cream (the big tub of Daisy) ~ $5 ~ Walmart

4 dozen eggs (until my hens start laying) ~ $12 ~ Safeway

5 lbs raw honey ~ $15 ~ health food store

20 lbs pinto beans ~ $15 ~ Walmart

5 lbs raisins or craisins ~ $10 ~ Costco

Organic beef and chicken "better than bouillon" ~ $12 ~ Costco

Total Cost ~ $237

I haven't been buying the bags of flour because I have so many wheat berries in my pantry now, but I do like to have flour on hand for making gravies and sauces or just to whip up a quick pan of rolls or a cake. I like easy :-) 

With this list I can make everything I want for dinners throughout the month...chicken pot pie, sloppy joes, soups of all sorts, scalloped potatoes and onions, chicken and dumplings, etc. I have a huge assortment of pastas in the house from my last few Costco trips, but normally, if we wanted pasta I would make my own. Since moving to Wyoming, I had to leave a ton of stuff behind...my pasta maker was one of those things, so I don't really care for rolling out pasta by hand, although it's not so bad for making big ol' noodles that will just go in a soup. We also don't buy bread (usually). We make our own English muffins, rolls, pizza dough, sandwich bread, flat breads, tortillas, etc. 

We also make our own breakfast foods, like oatmeal, granola, cornmeal mush, etc.

Lunches consist of leftovers, eggs and toast, peanut butter and jelly on tortillas, steamed veggies, etc. Basically whatever is on hand and quick. 

I also save all of my chicken bones (yes from every meal) and carcasses and put them in the freezer after all our meals throughout the month. At the end of the month I will make a big pot of stock, usually about 4-6 quarts, and that goes right in the freezer for the next months meals. (I could really do without the "better than bouillon" that is on my list, but I love having it on hand.)

The one thing that is not on my list is COFFEE and tea. I love coffee, am probably addicted, and will not go without it. It's not in my grocery budget because it is just for me, so it comes out of the money that is not allocated to bills, gasoline, or food. We drink water from our Berkey and sun tea throughout the month, and if you don't like those two things, well...tough patooties, drink it anyway :-) We have special drinks on sabbath, like Hansen's soda, but that does not come out of the grocery budget, it comes out of the "extra". 

So, there it is...I hope this helps you in some areas, and if YOU have a tight budget for food, let me know how you do it. I am always looking for ways to save money.

(We also purchase 5 gallon buckets of expeller pressed coconut oil from Tropical Traditions and use this as our main cooking oil, for frying, baking,etc., and  also for making deodorant and toothpaste)

The Confessions of a Wife

The following was given to me by a friend a few years ago when I was struggling with KNOWING who I was according to the word of YHVH. She told me to read it to myself every morning, believe it, and act accordingly...well, I haven't read it every morning, and if I were writing the true confessions of this wife, mother and keeper of the home, I would have to tell you that I fail in many, many areas. BUT, this is my blessing and this confession has found it's way back into my daily routine. I will speak this blessing over myself daily and rise to the challenge and calling of biblical womanhood, finding joy in it!

The Confessions of a Wife

{Philippians 1:6} Being Confident that He who began a good work in me will continue until the day of Yeshua Messiah.

I Confess That:

{Proverbs 31:10} I am a capable, intelligent and virtuous woman, worth far more than jewels.

{Proverbs 31:15} I rise early and get spiritual food for my household.

{Matthew 6:33} I seek first the kingdom of Yehovah and all good things are added unto me.

{Proverbs 31:30} I reverently and worshipfully fear Yehovah.

{Proverbs 31:31} I give of the fruit of my hands

{Proverbs 31:13} and my works praise me. I am industrious.

{Proverbs 31:16} With my savings I plant fruitful vines

{Proverbs 31:25} Strength and dignity are my clothing and my position is strong and secure. I rejoice over the future, knowing that my family and I are in readiness for it.

{Proverbs 31:26} I open my mouth with skillful and Godly wisdom, and in my tongue is the law of kindness, giving counsel and instruction.

{Proverbs 31:27} The bread of idleness I do not eat.

{1 Timothy 3:11} I am worthy of respect and serious, not a gossiper, but temperate and self-controlled, and thoroughly trustworthy in all things.

{1 Timothy 6:11} I pursue righteousness, godliness, faith, love, patience and gentle-heartedness…

{Nehemiah 8:10} and the joy of Yehovah is my strength.

{Ephesians 5:22-23} I am submissive and adapt myself to my own husband as a service to Yehovah. He is head of me as Messiah is the head of the church.

{Ephesians 5:33} I respect and reverence my husband. I notice, regard, honor, prefer, love…

{Proverbs 31:11} and admire him exceedingly. The heart of my husband trusts in me confidently and he has no lack of gain.

{Proverbs 31:12} I comfort him and encourage and do him only good as long as there is life in me.

{Ephesians 5:2} I walk in love with my husband, esteeming him and delighting in him.

{Proverbs 31:31} My husband praises me above all women.

{Proverbs 31:28} My children rise up and call me blessed.

{Luke 1:38} May it be done according to YOUR WORD. 

~~~

Family Cloth

The alternate title of this blog post was "Mom's Crazy Ideas", and was probably my family's preferred title, since they definitely do think I'm nuts.

"What is family cloth?" you might be asking yourself. That was what my family asked, as well. They had an idea, but their idea was far from what "family cloth" actually is.

So what is it? 

Reusable toilet cloth!

I know...I know. It sounds crazy. But, I tell you, lots of people are doing it. I have been on a quest to lower our monthly budget and simplify, for quite a few years. We stopped using paper towels, paper plates and other such non-essentials and have not gone back. We have a stockpile of dish towels and rags and find them to be quite useful in soaking up messes. So, I suppose family cloth was the next logical step. 

We spend, on average, depending on the brand, no less than $1.00 a day on toilet paper. Maybe this is an expense you are willing to pay for the convenience of toilet paper, but my goal is to give you enough information that you will at least want to try family cloth. $365 a year is a lot of money to spend on something you are just going to throw in the toilet! We've been using family cloth for a little over two weeks now, and I love it. My family has stopped thinking I am crazy (well, at least in this area) and I actually heard from my 14 year old son, "mom, family cloth isn't so bad". 

It cleans better. Doesn't leave little paper dust behind. It's pretty. Smells good. Easy to use. Easy to make. Cheap. And is saving us money! 

So...how do ya do it?

Gather old cotton t-shirts or flannel shirts. Cut out seams and make large squares out of the material. Cut those large squares into smaller 5 x 5 inch squares. Sew two together to make an extra thick cloth. 

Get yourself a small plastic bin, like the one above. Mine cost about $2 from walmart. It has a hinged lid that clips down, sort of like a baby wipes container. You can use one of those as well! Anything will work as long as it has a lid as these are moist wipes and you don't want them drying out.

Place your finished cloths in the bin and mix up a cup of wipes solution. There are many recipes out there, but I am using this one at the moment.

2 drops lavender essential oil

1 drop eucalyptus oil

1 T. glycerin

1/2 t. Doctor Bronner's liquid castile soap

1 cup of purified water

You can find tons of recipes at this site that I just love. Makes me want another baby...well, everything makes me want another baby :-)

So...anywho, mix up your solution and pour over your wipes. Flip them over a few times to get them all saturated and then squeeze out any excess liquid. You don't want them sopping wet, just damp. Also, please note that I have only filled my bin about half way full. You don't want your wipes sitting in there wet for more than a few days. Only put about three days worth of wipes in, as you are going to want to wash these every three days. You'll find out how much solution and how many wipes are right for your family as you start using them.

Now for the part that makes people cringe. What do you do...after...?

I bought this 10 gallon garbage bin at walmart for $5. Add a few drops of tea tree oil, maybe 5 drops or so, I forget to count :-) and then fill the bin half full with water. This is going to be your "soaking" water for three days. Every time you use your family cloth, you are going to stick it in the bin after you use it. The tea tree oil inhibits the growth of bacteria, you can add a few drops of eucalyptus oil as well, as it does the same thing.

After three days, empty the water as best as you can in the toilet, being careful not to dump your family cloth in there as well! Wash the cloths in your washing machine with hot water. I soak mine in hot water first and then do a regular wash. They come out clean every time and do not smell. I don't even use regular store bought detergent, I use a homemade soap and they still come out clean and smelling fresh.

You don't have to dry these, just stick them back in the lidded bin and add your solution. Easy peasy!

I love family cloth and we will continue to use it. We still have toilet paper for company, but I think for the most part, my family is using the cloth, at least part of the time.

This might not be for everybody, but I think it is awesome after you get past the "ew" factor. Have fun, and experiment; just keep it by the toilet and see what happens. My husband and son both used it on their own volition and both liked it!

My to do list

Today I get to buy raw honey...I am pleased. 

I will sprout more mung beans, as these have become my most favorite food lately. 

I will sweep the wood floors throughout the house. We must all shed a lot of skin and hair...it's everywhere. 

I will clean my bedroom, which I totally despise doing. I will clean it and organize the closet. An act of dying to self :-)

I will paint the rest of my dining room trim white. Purple just didn't go. I thought purple went with everything...silly me. 

I will drink the kombucha that I brewed...no sense in brewing it if I'm not going to drink it. 

(which reminds me...I need fresh ginger to make ginger kombucha)

I will make the corn pie that I have been meaning to make. Something about making pie crusts...you think it is this huge daunting task, but then you start doing it and remember that it's simple and quick. I forget this often...

I will fix my husbands button hole he has been complaining about. I will learn that a safety pin is not fixing something...it is merely a temporary solution.

I will finish reading Ezekiel. I am afraid of this. It gives me nightmares. I have the worst dreams when I read it before bed. I dreamed about a man living in a pig barn, sitting in a corner filled with cat dung, and he would grab worms from the pit of the dung pile for his food. When he would squeeze them, they were filled with worms. Worms within worms...filth within filth. I dreamed about a small Chinese girl who was being sold to men, and when I arrived to save her, she had been lit on fire. In these dreams I can not do anything to stop the evil that is taking place. I could only comfort the girl and give her hope, but I could not stop the filth from happening. The man in the pig pen...filth within filth...it is the way of the world. No one cares, and I can't stop it. It's disheartening. These dreams have been haunting me all week.

I will pray more. Pray for that faceless, nameless Chinese girl. I know she represents multitudes of little girls and women all over the world that have been sold into the sex trade industry. They are broken and lost and without hope. I will pray that someone comes along to give them hope.

I will stop being so critical, of myself and others. Satan wants to kill and destroy. Destroy relationships, and I won't have any part of it, any more. I am called to love and we are called to have unity with one another. I will  recognize criticism when it rears its ugly head, and I will rebuke it and I will NOT walk in it any longer. 

And I will make bread. It's a simple task that yields so much fruit. My family feels loved when I bake bread. So,  I will knead my dough and pray. I will wait patiently for it to rise. I will knead it again and pray. I will shape it and form it and cover it softly with cloth. I will wait for it to rise again. Then, I will place it in warmth and watch it take it's true form. Then we will break bread together. 

 I know theres a sermon in there someplace...

Silent Teacher

My grandfather died this month after his yearlong battle with cancer. I've never been this close to death before. I lost the majority of my grandparents before I was 13, and went to about a million funerals, but this is the first time I have actually watched someone die. It was hard to see. I watched this man who influenced me in so many ways, waste away from a healthy and active man to a shadow of a person.

I saw him the week before he died and I tried to be strong, but I couldn't. I cried right in front of him. The week before I was fine. When I went to visit, he was in good spirits, and laughing. He told me how much he loved me and I said the same. I told him that the summers I spent with him were the best of my life. We reminisced about rock hunting on the beaches of Petoskey. We would fill five gallon buckets with rocks trying to find the most unusual and beautiful ones. We would eventually find a few Petoskey stones, and he'd haul those buckets up the hill to the car and we'd take them back to his house. I'd sit in the grass and go through them all. I would find the ones that I thought were worthy and take them back home with me and put them in my rock polisher. He was always so excited to see the finished product.

Three years ago my grandfather and grandmother became to old to live in their house, so we all went up there for the weekend to have an estate sale. In the garage I found our buckets of rocks. They were still sitting there. I roamed the property wandering through his beautiful gardens, and watched my children climb the trees that were too small for me to climb as a little girl. Everything had changed, but everything was still the same. I could see my grandfather setting up the croquet set in the front yard under the big maple trees. We'd play for hours and after we'd sit in the hammock and watch the birds. He taught me what the names of all the birds were, and what they liked to eat. I listened to them sing, and learned to identify their individual songs. Cardinals were always the easiest. But, those three years ago, the sound of their song seemed distant. The colors of the flowers were not as bright and his presence had already lifted from that place.

My brother and I took my kids to Horton Bay to swim. It was Labor day and the water was as warm as it was in the middle of July. I sat on the dock, and thought of the stories my dad told me about his grandfather living there. Horton Bay was a little village with a general store and a church. The church I went to all those summers I stayed with my grandparents. My fathers grandfather was friends with Earnest Hemingway, who had a little place in Horton Bay. My great grandfather and Hemingway would sit on a dock and fish. And as I sat on that dock, I imagined them sitting there debating religion and politics as they often did. My great grandfather was a preacher, and Hemingway had his own ideas about religion, that often didn't sit well with his friend the preacher. But they found a friendship on that dock, despite the religious divide between them.

December ninth I sat in that church in Horton Bay and said goodbye to my grandfather. I listened to his pastor talk about what a great person he was. What a great witness to Christianity he was. How he touched the lives of all the people he came in contact with. But I what I remember about him was the fact that he was a silent man. He spoke with gestures, and kindness. And although he had the strongest faith of anyone I'd met, he never pushed it on anyone. His testimony lay in acts and service, and through those acts of selfless service, he spoke of how it was meant to be, to have God in your heart.

I could see God all around me that Labor Day weekend as I wandered through his gardens. I could see how he nurtured all of the natural gifts that God gives us. I could feel his love for all things, both great and small, and in that garden I found solace for my heartache, for a life that was only lingering, and would leave in only three short years.

I think I said my goodbyes to him that weekend, and at that point, I distanced myself from his life. If I would have known how short those three years were going to be, I would have been present more in his life.

I learned about regret this year. I learned that I don't ever want to have that feeling again, and I learned that it is a hard thing to let go of; To forgive yourself for. I learned to see life as a fragile thing. A delicate flower, that at any moment could wilt, lose it's beauty and fragrance. But I also learned that even though my grandfather was dying, his passion and love were stronger than death. I could feel them in his presence. I could see life in his eyes, despite the lack of it in his body. I realized that it was God's presence in him that I was seeing. It was God waiting to take his child home. It was a proud father. Proud of his creation in this man. It was God's manifest love. It was in that moment that I realized that I still have so much more to learn from my grandfather. And he may never stop teaching me. What an amazing teacher he was. He taught me all these things that I hold so dear to my heart, without saying a word.